Regenerative Systems, Regenerative People. That’s me (us).
The last two days have called me into a deeper level of practice.
The night before last, I woke up at 3:30am. I chose to set a prayer circle and meditate/pray. I tantrumed about being awake. I prayed some more. I watched my mind.
Didn’t fall asleep, but I fo SHO got sleepy at 7am, right when I needed to get out bed. Used breathing exercises as my morning caffeine.
Spent the day discussing the future of work; the next few decades of the solar power industry; re-designing my logo/website/newsletter; how to ensure co-creative strategy in the development of a healthy food system.
As I packed for my trip to Oberlin (Ohio) last night, I spoke with a (beautiful black man) family member about life, love, and the things he carries. The specifics would distract from the implications: what does it take to witness, reflect, and hold space for what brothas carry? I let him know that I love him, and that love goes deeper than the sum of his experiences, his triumphs, his fears, his hopes, or his demons. It is pure, and it has been with me (him) since the day he was born.
We hung up the phone, and I sat on the floor and cried. I CRIED. Until there were no more tears. In the prayer of those tears, I committed to crying when he cannot. My body can be a vessel to alchemize. I cried until the pain my chest released, and I could feel (deep) breath. Space. Freedom. Move it through, and it becomes medicine. Hold it in, and I stress my body (container).
Galen was home, but I chose to do this work on my own. He carries so much, and I have resources. I’m flying to Oberlin with one of my teachers/colleagues, and she will support me to continue processing. I asked her to come with me for a bit of extra support back when I first planned the trip. In creating this extra space for myself, it allowed me to create extra space for Galen.
I walked out of my bedroom, pressed his head against my chest, and continued to breathe. We talked about Luke Cage, how I will NEVER again get a line up on my front hairline, and whether he’s going to let my chicken go to waste or freeze it if he doesn’t eat it all. Love. Connection. Regeneration vs depletion for us both.
Up at 4:45am to catch this 8am flight. Candles around the yoga mat, gently introducing my eyes to light. Good home cooked food packed for the day of travel.
On the plane a few minutes ago, I listened to Solange talking about rising, creating things for us by us, and I smiled with joyful tears in my heart. I looked out the window and watched the sun ascend.
We are so beautiful. I am beautiful. Practicing being a full participant in the cycle of creation, sustaining and destruction (creation, sustaining, destruction, etc) is beautiful. It requires strength I do not know I have sometimes, and even that is beautiful.
And now, I’m finishing up my powerpoint for the Next Economy Conference. Soil health + carbon sequestration + economic development + job creation + shifting capital + improving government narrative + leadership development. I’m going to expend a lot of energy in the next few days, and I feel prepared.